Change Comes Slow: even when practicing Human Kindness
I just got it right!
By W. Owen Thornton
Wanting to become more kind or wanting to practice human kindness more often, in the right way to the right degree (Aristotle) comes slowly. In this instance, I finally got something right: I practiced hospitality.
When we want to change our behaviour it is very difficult to make the connection between wanting to do X and actually doing X. When we are so conditioned, so automatically working in one mode, it is difficult to jump out of that old mode and engage in the new one we desire to have for ourselves. I call knowing you want to change and not quite being able to change, as having shadow knowledge. The knowledge of the desire to change is like a shadow that you haven't taken up into yourself. Opportunities come and go and and you miss the chance to do the right thing. Moments later, you bang your hand on your forehead and you say to yourself, "That was it! That was the chance to do the right thing ... and I didn't ... again."
A trick here is that you shouldn't beat yourself up for this. The entire "thing" that happens when you bang your head and chastise yourself for not acting in the desired manner is part of the process of changing ... part of the process of moving into a new self. Know that the shadow will be taken up into your self one day. It just happened to me.
A needy fellow just came to the door. He told me a horrific story of poverty, illness and despair. He'd do anything, including cleaning my windows for money. It turned out well for him. I happened to have $8 worth of coins in my pocket and I gave those to him. I had an excellent model for this kind of behaviour this year. Bob, one of the professors I assisted in his tutorials for a first-year philosophy class said this to me when I made a request for him on behalf of a troubled student: "I'd rather they take advantage of me and give them some assistance than have it rest badly upon me if I didn't do the right thing when it was needed".
Now, giving the man at my door money, wasn't the shadow knowledge I've wanted to take up into myself. I've done that before. But this time something more happened in my brain ... the shadow was taken up inside of me. First I walked back inside my compfy home and then then Christian sense of hospitality hit me and I walked back to the door and called the man's name out as he was walking away. "Dave (changed to protect his real name) would you like a cup of coffee?" He declined my offer. But I had done it. I had finally done it. When I saw someone struggling and needing money, I had finally offered them some of my time and some sustenance. I had done more than what was asked of me. Now, next time I see the homeless fellow at the grocery store, maybe I can go inside and buy him some food instead of just giving him a toony. That'll be the next challenge.
But at this moment, I feel good. I feel like I did the right thing. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe I was taken advantage of. I don't care. Read Bob's quote above, if you didn't let those words enter your spirit when you read them the first time. For me, this was a personal breakthrough for human kindness. I am pleased to have practiced human kindness on a new level.
You'll get it right too. Bang that hand on your forehead when you miss an opportunity for positive change in regards to human kindness. Refuse to let yourself get down about it. Realize that "head-banging" is part of your change. Realize that you're human. Practice human kindness upon yourself too. Know that the shadow that follows you will be taken up inside of you ... and on that day ... you and the world will both be better!
Cheers
Owen
By W. Owen Thornton
Wanting to become more kind or wanting to practice human kindness more often, in the right way to the right degree (Aristotle) comes slowly. In this instance, I finally got something right: I practiced hospitality.
When we want to change our behaviour it is very difficult to make the connection between wanting to do X and actually doing X. When we are so conditioned, so automatically working in one mode, it is difficult to jump out of that old mode and engage in the new one we desire to have for ourselves. I call knowing you want to change and not quite being able to change, as having shadow knowledge. The knowledge of the desire to change is like a shadow that you haven't taken up into yourself. Opportunities come and go and and you miss the chance to do the right thing. Moments later, you bang your hand on your forehead and you say to yourself, "That was it! That was the chance to do the right thing ... and I didn't ... again."
A trick here is that you shouldn't beat yourself up for this. The entire "thing" that happens when you bang your head and chastise yourself for not acting in the desired manner is part of the process of changing ... part of the process of moving into a new self. Know that the shadow will be taken up into your self one day. It just happened to me.
A needy fellow just came to the door. He told me a horrific story of poverty, illness and despair. He'd do anything, including cleaning my windows for money. It turned out well for him. I happened to have $8 worth of coins in my pocket and I gave those to him. I had an excellent model for this kind of behaviour this year. Bob, one of the professors I assisted in his tutorials for a first-year philosophy class said this to me when I made a request for him on behalf of a troubled student: "I'd rather they take advantage of me and give them some assistance than have it rest badly upon me if I didn't do the right thing when it was needed".
Now, giving the man at my door money, wasn't the shadow knowledge I've wanted to take up into myself. I've done that before. But this time something more happened in my brain ... the shadow was taken up inside of me. First I walked back inside my compfy home and then then Christian sense of hospitality hit me and I walked back to the door and called the man's name out as he was walking away. "Dave (changed to protect his real name) would you like a cup of coffee?" He declined my offer. But I had done it. I had finally done it. When I saw someone struggling and needing money, I had finally offered them some of my time and some sustenance. I had done more than what was asked of me. Now, next time I see the homeless fellow at the grocery store, maybe I can go inside and buy him some food instead of just giving him a toony. That'll be the next challenge.
But at this moment, I feel good. I feel like I did the right thing. Maybe it wasn't enough. Maybe I was taken advantage of. I don't care. Read Bob's quote above, if you didn't let those words enter your spirit when you read them the first time. For me, this was a personal breakthrough for human kindness. I am pleased to have practiced human kindness on a new level.
You'll get it right too. Bang that hand on your forehead when you miss an opportunity for positive change in regards to human kindness. Refuse to let yourself get down about it. Realize that "head-banging" is part of your change. Realize that you're human. Practice human kindness upon yourself too. Know that the shadow that follows you will be taken up inside of you ... and on that day ... you and the world will both be better!
Cheers
Owen
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