132-06-16-2009

Animals Can Teach
Us About Human Kindness
By W. Owen Thornton

A friend of mine just lost a very old dog.  He was the one who helped her through her divorce.  His continual presence, his on-going acceptance, and his non-judgmental attitude towards her pulled her through.  And so, when it came to the end of his life, as it is for many of us, there was much weeping and sadness for the loss of a dear old friend.  Isn’t it odd how animals can teach humans about ‘human’ kindness?

Where we judge someone for a harsh word, a dog or a cat simply vacates the premises and returns a few minutes later.  There is no residual anger or resentment.  They know that you just needed to blow off some steam.  But it’s more than the ability to ignore our temporarily unkind outbursts.  They return to us.  They know what we need more than we do ourselves sometimes.  They know that we need to pet them and hold them.  And as we do these things whatever it was that caused the harsh word dissipates inside of us.  In addition they don’t judge us or hold residual anger against us the next time we argue.  For an animal the incident is gone … forgotten.

Sure, you might say, it is easy for animals to respond this way towards us because their minds are not as complicated.  So what is it about the complicated human mind that makes it a worse thing, rather than a better one under these conditions?

There were two monks who had taken an oath to never touch anyone.  They came to a stream and there was an old woman there who could not cross without aid.  One of the monks picked her up and helped her across.  They walked on for a time and the one who carried the woman saw that his companion was distressed.  He asked what was bothering him.

“You touched that woman and broke your oath.”

“What is it that you are holding onto my friend,” the monk asked, “I set her down several hours ago?”

Ego.  Hubris.  Rights.  When we are hurt or offended we seem to think that the words spoken against us must have to go into some large scorecard where there will be a reckoning.  ‘We’ have been violated!  So because we are so precious to ourselves we take every harsh word against us and hold it against the person who spoke it: regardless of whether or not those words were really meant for us.  I think, oft as naught that people who deliver harsh words are often directing them at an accumulation of other things and then, suddenly when someone who loves them commits some small act, this act triggers a release of pent up anger – at the wrong source.  (Sometimes simply being nice when the other person doesn’t feel worthy of someone being nice towards them can be a trigger!)  The words and the intent behind harshness is often not meant for us.  But we silly humans take it, keep it, harbor it and hold it against that person … instead of asking them what is going on that makes them so upset.  Lifelong barriers of miscommunication originate here because of our reactions.

If a dog or a cat had a human intellect, they would tell us that they know that there was nothing they could have done to make the person angry.  That they were only there in order to make us feel better … pet me … feed me … love me up … walk me!  That is all they are ever trying to say so they know they cannot be responsible for a, “Go away!” or a, “Not now!” or a, “I don’t have time for a walk!”

A dog knows that contact makes the world a better place; that the act of petting is calming; and that the world is better after a walk.

You can imagine the emotional cost of a divorce.  You wanted the marriage to work.  Somehow despite your best efforts it still failed.  Some of us even attach failure of an activity to ourselves and thus label ourselves a failure.  You were in love and now you’re not.  You’re definitely hurting.  You’re suddenly alone.  Now I don’t know what my friend in particular felt after her divorce (I got to know her after that sad time), but I’m betting I hit a couple of emotions correctly – because some emotions must be common to most divorces where people just drift apart.  And enter into this time of sadness … a dog … a faithful, joy-filled companion.  Someone who gets excited by a car ride … likes to have his ears whipped by the wind … is delighted with a walk in the rain … who loves to be stroked and talked to and enjoys being told he’s a good boy.  Now I ask you how could anyone remain blue with a friend like that around?

We lean on these companions.  We lean on them hard.  Studies indicate that owning a pet extends our lives … but try to prove that at the time of their death!  It seems for every day they extended our life and filled it with joy, that we lose two days in return when we are compelled to deal with their death.  But it is this terrible sorrow at the loss of a pet that demonstrates to us the great deal of positive impact they had in our lives or otherwise we wouldn’t be expressing sorrow at their loss.

And so for all of you who have lost a pet recently, where that pet filled a significant need in your life, I’ll say a little prayer for you.  May your sorrow be brief.  May your memories of them be fine.  And may your search for your new companion restore you to wholeness.  And when you have your new friend, enjoy them and love them and cuddle them and walk them … and appreciate them for each moment they are in your life.

And when you take time to think about it … listen to the rhythm of their lives and learn from them the things you can … so that you can learn the lessons of human kindness that any of us can learn from a good and faithful pet.

Cheers my friend.  My heart is with you.

Owen