I'm In the Way
About: I’m in the Way: a Poem
By W. Owen Thornton
By W. Owen Thornton
Poetry strikes me more often than I desire it to. By that I mean I don’t think that A: I am a good poet, so what’s the point in writing it and B: I have no idea where to send poems, (especially if they’re bad) so they can be published so what’s the point in writing it? But sometimes I let my spirit be free and they slip out. Following is a poem which swerved on me.
It came from a time I was trying to pray. In that quiet time (where I practice a little human kindness on myself), I slipped away from thinking about and listening for God and I saw several visions of people ‘wronging’ me. My mind drifted to how unfair they were acting and how ‘mean’ they were to me and I was suddenly ‘defending myself’ in the midst of my mediation. I became aware of what I was thinking and set it aside and concentrated on God once more.
Later when I thought about the kinds of things that were interrupting my meditation, I was rather surprised, because normal things that interrupt mediation are ‘to-do lists.’ These images were particularly different. I realized I was carrying around hurts I thought I had let go of. And so, I’m working on letting go of them. I also noticed that I wasn’t focusing on the times when I had hurt others (for I surely have). So these ‘visions’ were ‘all about the selfish me!’ I do what I can to diminish my ego, but my ‘know-it-allness’ keeps rearing its ugly head.
And so this poem came about. It starts with my selfishness and moves into me correcting that behaviour (only by accident than by a living form of human kindness). I say it swerved because the person at the door was originally going to be God, but it turned out to be a friend. I wonder if I could be a good friend to someone who came to my door … someone who interrupted a planned evening to tell me something deadly serious. Am I even the kind of person people would come to for that kind of solace? Well it’s happened at least once I can remember, but would it happen today? I don’t know.
I like to think of myself as a good person. But I fail often and regularly. If ever you think I am perfect at human kindness you only have to know me to know that I am far from perfect at it. It is only my quest to continue writing here, to help you to become kinder through the things I write, which also help keep me focused on kindness a little more than the average fellow at any rate. If my work here helps you be kind to someone, then kindness starts arching in a big circle and may one day, come back to me. (Which in itself is a selfish thing!) Lately things have been pretty good! Maybe, in some mysterious way … it is working!
At any rate, here’s the poem.
I’m In the Way
By W. Owen Thornton
By W. Owen Thornton
I open the door
I see you there
Then I step aside to let you in
That’s what I’m supposed to do, isn’t it?
I see you there
Then I step aside to let you in
That’s what I’m supposed to do, isn’t it?
I’m supposed to show you hospitality
aren’t I?
You’re being rude by intruding.
My favorite program is on.
aren’t I?
You’re being rude by intruding.
My favorite program is on.
I want to watch it.
I haven’t taped it.
I don’t want to appear rude and ask
you if I can take time to tape it.
I haven’t taped it.
I don’t want to appear rude and ask
you if I can take time to tape it.
So I sit
You sit
Tea? I have decaf.
I like tea …
Tea while I’m watching my …
You sit
Tea? I have decaf.
I like tea …
Tea while I’m watching my …
Pardon?
You’re wife has cancer?
Just diagnosed?
Oh my G…
Here. Wait.
Tell me about it.
I’ll get out some cheese and crackers.
You’re wife has cancer?
Just diagnosed?
Oh my G…
Here. Wait.
Tell me about it.
I’ll get out some cheese and crackers.
No
No trouble. None.
None at all.
No trouble. None.
None at all.
My. Tell me about it!
I grow quiet ..
Focused. I listen.
I mean I do far more than ‘hear.’
My heart is breaking.
Focused. I listen.
I mean I do far more than ‘hear.’
My heart is breaking.
More tea? Yes.
Good.
How … how are you coping?
Good.
How … how are you coping?
Quiet. Attentive quiet.
This. This meager gift is all I have to offer.
That, and tea, and some cheese and some soda crackers.
This. This meager gift is all I have to offer.
That, and tea, and some cheese and some soda crackers.
It’s a feeble
nearly empty gesture
But it is all I have.
So it has to be enough
And to think I was going to be in the way
As I was about to say
Could you come back tomorrow …
Nothing good is on then.
nearly empty gesture
But it is all I have.
So it has to be enough
And to think I was going to be in the way
As I was about to say
Could you come back tomorrow …
Nothing good is on then.
Oh Father in heaven. Forgive me.
Forgive me for being in the way
For thinking I know … anything
For thinking television is more important than life.
Forgive me for being in the way
For thinking I know … anything
For thinking television is more important than life.
What?
Oh.
Oh.
I see.
That forgiveness thing.
That forgiveness thing.
You already have.
…
God?
Tea?
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